Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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