I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
