Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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