Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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