One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
