u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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