Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize