I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
