Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
