Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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