My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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