I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
