you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
