no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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