We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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