i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
