This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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