did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
