Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
