Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Randomize
