Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I supernannyed him into submission
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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