Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
