Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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