Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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