I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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