you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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