I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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