The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize