"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
