There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just invented taco cereal.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My vagina is officially offended.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
