I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
