I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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