DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
