YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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