New invention idea: vibrating tampons
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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