"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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