Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
