You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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