Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
