Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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