Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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