I wish I only lived at night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
