lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if only i could text you this smell
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
