don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
