I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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