He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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