We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
