She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In America we eat man semen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
