I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just leave with hair like that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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