I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize