I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
