WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This baby is an asshole
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
