You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
