she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
