Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize