Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize