i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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