shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
