fuck your aforementioned shoe
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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