Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize