i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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