haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
