My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
