My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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