The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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