An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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