At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
