maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize